Birthday Surprise
by kaytee412
Summary: Finn hears Kurt and Blaine talking and takes their conversation way out of context.


**Title:** Birthday Surprise  
><strong>Rating:<strong> PG-13  
><strong>Warnings:<strong> Allusions to sex  
><strong>Spoilers:<strong> None**  
>Word Count: <strong>1,647  
><strong>Summary:<strong> Finn hears Kurt and Blaine talking and takes their conversation way out of context.  
><strong>AN: **This is a fill for a prompt at the glee_awk_meme on Livejournal; part one of the _Finnocence _'verse

* * *

><p>Finn stuffed the last bit of the cupcake in his mouth, attempting to chew around it without having the excess crumbs fall out. Why couldn't they make bite-sized cupcakes? Finn was pretty sure they should make those; or he would make them instead, and he would be rich. They had just finished celebrating his 17th birthday, and his mom had made cupcakes for dessert. Finn's favorite, Funfetti with strawberry icing.<p>

He walked down the stairs lazily, licking his fingers as he went. Normally Kurt would yell at him for doing that; he always complained about how unsanitary it was, or something. Whatever. It was his birthday, he was allowed to. And Finn thought that since they were _his _fingers, he could lick them all he wanted. It's not like he was grabbing Kurt's fingers and licking them.

Finn paused by his bedroom when he heard shuffling from behind the door. Who was in his room? For a split second, Finn's heart went cold as he thought of burglars. Then he realized that he would have _seen _them come in, so it couldn't be burglars. Finn remembered Blaine was over, but he and Kurt usually hung out in the living room. Why would they be in his room? Finn grabbed the doorknob, about to walk in when Kurt began to speak.

"Blaine, not so hard!"

"I'm trying Kurt, it's not as easy as it looks," Blaine shot back, voice hushed. Finn pressed his ear to the door.

"Just go higher now," Kurt directed.

"Like that?"

Finn's eyes widened; he _knew _he shouldn't be listening to this, but he just couldn't make himself leave. He was pretty sure he actually leaned forward _more_.

"Yeah, just like that. Get it up, though."

"I'm trying, Kurt!"

"Do you need me to help you?"

"No, I got it!" Blaine argued, clearly frustrated. "It's okay, it's up."

"Now blow mine, I have a hard time doing it myself."

Finn nearly choked, clasping a hand over his mouth to keep himself quiet. Kurt and Blaine were having _sex _in his _bedroom_. On his _birthday_. And Blaine had ED? Finn thought again about leaving, but it was like a bad episode of Maury, or Rachel singing "My Headband"; he couldn't get away from it.

"God, this makes me feel lightheaded," Blaine sighed.

"You're almost done, just a few more."

"The rubber tastes weirder than usual."

Finn heard Kurt grunt on the other side of the door. "Yeah, well, I didn't spend a ton of money on the supplies. It might be old, I don't know."

Finn had seen enough Dr. Phil to know that old condoms were dangerous, but he couldn't let Kurt know he was there.

"Put it in," Kurt demanded, and Finn held his breath.

Blaine grunted. "How much more?"

"You're almost there."

Finn finally ripped his face away from the door, tripping over his feet to get downstairs. This couldn't be happening; Kurt and Blaine were _not _having sex in his bedroom!

Wasn't there some sort of emergency phone number he could call for these kinds of situations? Like, 1-800-my-room-is-being-violated-right-now? Finn made a mental note to create one of those along with the mini cupcakes.

Finn tried to steady his breathing, pacing the kitchen floor. Okay, so Kurt and Blaine were doing the nasty in his bedroom. He had never witnessed anything like this in his entire life. Sure, he had watched porn enough for two people, but he had never heard it happen in _real life_.

Even when Finn and Santana had sex, they weren't so vocal about it. He didn't know that people actually said things like that when they had sex. Finn thought it was something they just added to pornos; it was kinda hot, anyway. But so _not _when it was your step-brother!

Finn peaked out the window; the car was gone, so Burt and Carol were probably still running errands. That meant he had enough time to take care of this situation before they came home.

Finn went back to pacing, trying to game-plan his next move. Maybe he should go upstairs and confront them, be aggressive about it so they understand how _wrong _it is to soil his bedroom.

But what if they were still in the act? Finn shivered; he didn't want to risk seeing Kurt and Blaine all exposed, though. And even though he asked Kurt once in passing, he didn't _really _want to find out who was on bottom, either. At least, not by seeing it with his own eyes.

And what was he going to do about his room? He was going to have to drench everything in bleach, throw out his bedspread. Bleach got everything really clean, right? He remembered Rachel talking about it once, but Finn hadn't been paying much attention. Maybe it was Windex she was talking about instead. Whatever it was, Finn had to use it, and fast. Before the sex germs sank into all of his belongings.

Oh, and _Mr. Honeysworth_. That bear was going to be scarred for life! Finn bet Kurt didn't even have the decency to turn the stuffed animal around, and now he was witnessing all sorts of unspeakable acts.

"Hey Finn!" Kurt's voice rang out, and Finn jumped. He spun around to see Kurt and Blaine standing in the doorway, smiling at him. "How's it going?"

How could they have done what they did and _smile _about it like that? "Uh, fine."

Blaine's smile fell a little. "Finn, would you like to follow us upstairs? We'd like to show you something."

Oh, now they were _mocking _him! Finn felt the heat rise into his face, and he looked down. There was no way he could even look them in the eyes right now. "I, uh, I have a lot of things to do right now," he mumbled.

Kurt bit his lip. "Finn, what's wrong? It's your birthday, you should be happy!"

Finn rolled his eyes; it was his birthday and he had gotten a box full of sex and indecencies! "Yeah well, you know…I have a lot of responsibilities now, seventeen years old and everything. I have to…clean the garage!"

"On your birthday?" Blaine asked incredulously.

"The early worm gets the worm." Kurt and Blaine exchanged looks, and Finn shifted his weight between his feet uncomfortably.

"Finn, I don't know what your deal is right now…but can you please just come upstairs?" Kurt begged.

Finn sighed; he had been cornered. "Fine." He hung his head, following Kurt and Blaine slowly down the stairs.

"Close your eyes," Blaine instructed excitedly, and Finn groaned. Closing his eyes, he could only imagine what his room was going to look like. His headboard might be broken, different bodily fluids all over his comforter. All of his belongings were probably thrown around on the floor.

"Why are you making those noises?" Kurt asked, leading Finn into the room. "Okay, ready Finn?"

"Ready as I'll ever be," Finn whined. His heart was literally pounding in his chest. What did they call them? Heart pigmentations.

"Open your eyes!" Blaine shouted suddenly, and Finn did.

He wasn't sure what was going on, at first. Finn thought for a moment that he had created his own alternate reality, with balloons and streamers and confetti. There was a "Happy Birthday" sign hanging above his bed, and streamers of every different color draped along his windows.

"What is this?" Finn asked in wonder, taking in all of the decorations. There was even a ribbon tied around Mr. Honeysworth's neck.

"We decorated your room for your birthday!" Kurt announced proudly. "It was a lot of work, but we finished just in time. We wanted you to be able to have something nice to look at for your day."

"Yeah, I hung the banner," Blaine chimed in. "Except it was a little too high for me. Kurt wouldn't take over though, he just likes to shout orders instead."

So the _banner _was what Blaine had to "get up"; and the balloons were the old-tasting rubber! Finn thought he could collapse in relief.

Kurt gave an uncharacteristic snort, but Finn wasn't paying attention to them anymore. "Wow, you guys! This looks fantastic! I can't believe it." He looked over to Kurt and Blaine with wide eyes. "So, this…_this _is what you were doing in my room today! You were decorating!"

"Yeah! I'm glad you like it!" Blaine clapped his hands together.

"What did you _think _we were doing?" Kurt asked jokingly.

Finn's eyes widened. "I, uh, nothing, I didn't know…I didn't even know you were up here, I didn't think you were doing anything…up here…"

"Wait…what's wrong, Finn?"

Finn let out a long breath, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Oh boy…I just…God, I'm _so _glad you weren't having sex in my bedroom!"

Blaine's face went red. "What?" he squealed.

"Finn, what are you talking about? Why would we be having…just…_what_?" Kurt demanded, mouth hanging open.

"I'm sorry! I just…I came down here earlier and heard you guys talking, and it _sounded _like you were doing something…adult…and in my bedroom, and I was _so _not excited!" Finn rambled, looking between the pair.

"Finn. Even if you _somehow _got that from whatever you heard, how could you _possibly _think that we would _actually _have sex in your bedroom?" Kurt asked, shock now replaced with anger.

"I don't know! God, I don't know, okay? I was just confused and I panicked!"

Silence encompassed the room, the three boys staring at each other for far longer than Finn was comfortable.

Blaine finally broke the silence. "Let's just forget this ever happened," he suggested quickly, looking to Finn. "Happy birthday, man."

"Thanks," Finn responded, watching as Blaine and Kurt left the room. He looked around at the decorations again, sitting on his bed. He grabbed the stuffed bear next to him, playing with the ribbons around it's neck.

Thank goodness.


End file.
